Preemie Story P2
She’s here.
It’s painful to write but there was a lot at play with me not going into the hospital the moments I noticed her movements decreased. I didn’t want to overreact and also lack of education on kick counts. I knew to look for movement but didn’t know how important it was per hour. I thought a few times a day was normal. I thought how active she was throughout pregnancy was not normal, she moved constantly. That’s why when her movements slowed down and weren’t every hour I thought “oh, now she’s a normal baby she’s moving once in a while not all day long”
There were a handful of mornings she wouldn’t move until noon but I’d Iay down and press on my belly and she’d give me a good kick, “I’m here mommy.”
I’m tearing up. I loved her kicking. I wish I went in that day sooner. I am so thankful I went in but I could have gone in sooner. There’s so much unknown and I am at a loss. How did I lose fluid so fast? I had a voluntary 3D 4D ultrasound the week before and she said everything looked great. One of the first things she said was fluid looks good. We proceeded to see her for the first time. Full lips!
They moved me from the operating table to a transport bed and commented on how little I was. My belly was already shrunk. 7 months pregnant and I hadn’t gained all the pregnancy weight yet. I couldn’t stand the thought of not being pregnant anymore. Reality hasn’t set in. She’s here. She’s here. We don’t have a name. We weren’t done with her room. How will Caleb get to school?
I don’t have every detail documented but I do have tons of video that I took from my phone once she was born and I had consciousness.
My body was shaking. I was cold. The drugs they gave me made me shake and I hated it. I had them taper me off it and I decided to only take IBUPROFEN 800, alternating Tylenol. I didn’t want heavy drugs in my breast milk. I didn’t want to be on heavy drugs no matter what.
Alright on the count of three let’s get you on the transport bed. They finished my c section. I couldn’t feel anything. My belly was shrunk. My baby was in NICU. Nick went with her. “You need to follow them. Go with her” I begged him. He went.
I was wheeled into recovery.
Nurses came in and out. And then there was my father in law. He swooped in with coffee. How on earth did he get here? Apparently he was yelling “I’m the father” and they didn’t ask questions. Well, his son is the father. Absolutely hysterical story when I tell it. The coffee was greatly appreciated by Nick who was in a world of disbelief. He video called on FaceTime and I saw my baby. My baby. I screen recorded my phone. I need to be with her.
The trauma I went through being separated with Kaylee was unbearable. I snuggled with her baby blankets. I prayed.
God is so good. I have to write this in doses because I get so emotional. She’s on my chest and I smell the top of her little bald head. I cry because she’s growing so fast and I cherish these moments. I cry because I’m so thankful she’s growing so big and strong. But I want her to stay this close to me forever. I will forever work to make sure our relationship is this close forever. She’s perfect. I feel the same way about my son, and watching him grow up I have an appreciation for how quickly this time goes. It’s terrifying.. and it’s beautiful.
to be continued.
